Writers on the subject of friendship say that there are three types of friends: reason, season and 4am friends, and those friendships are critical to both our mental and physical wellbeing.
Friendship is another thing that you can ponder, when you have a breathing space from: work strategies, constant meetings and the email overload.
They describe the ‘reason’ friends as those you have met once or twice before and, on meeting, you could discuss the weather and the kids. ‘Season’ friends are those that you have had a longer friendship with. Maybe made at: school, university, work, outside the school gates, at the sports club or down at the pub. Or in my case, met in a country, or shared a work period with. These are the friends that you meet for coffee and meals, but people that may move out of your life, as you move (out, upwards or across). Lastly, the 4 am friends. Better known these days as your BFF’s (best friend forever). Those special friends that you can call at 4 am and they pick up the phone. Not necessarily because you are calling in an emergency – but just because you need to talk.
I have always viewed friendship as important. I could say this links to me living a long way from home, but I think the real reason is that I like to be liked and so have always nurtured friendships.
Thankfully, I have been fortunate in friendships. Some of this I attribute to the environments I have lived in: the London retail scene in my twenties, abroad after that, and even today living amongst other, ‘nomads’ who are always open to meeting new people. I do wonder if I dropped back in to a London life, or lived in some cute village in Dorset, whether things would be so easy.
It is never too late to learn… Such a cliché, but so true. Only now am I learning to be more flexible in friendships. In my work life to date, I have had very high expectations of myself and others. This often spilled over in to my friendships. I viewed mutual effort and reciprocation as important, but now I am learning to flex on this, knowing that people see things through different lenses.
Some friendships types still elude me. I have always favoured the one- to-one friendship, so – despite all my efforts – friendships with couples don’t always work for me. Nor have I ever sustained a real friendship with any men, unless gay, or part of a couple. Why is this?
So, do I have 4 am friends? And am I a 4 am friend to others? Yes, I do, and yes, I am. But this stays largely untested (I prefer a civilized hour). These friends may have phones at their bed sides, maybe they are switched on, but are they light enough sleepers to pick up….?
Comments
9 responses to “4 am Friendship”
You’re definitely a 4am friend to me ❤️
Awwww I like Denise! 🙌🏼❤️✨
Brilliant true you are 4am all the way .
💗
Is it possible to be a different type of friend as you go through your life stages? The appreciation for ‘true friendship’ certainly grows as you get older, surely? Acquaintances and trye friends?
Yes Mich, you definitely do. Infact they encourage you to take friendship more seriously from a younger age knowing that you will need later on.
You’ve never phoned me at 4am, but there’s always a first time…
That coming from my oldest 4am friend x
I hear a lot of myself in those words – we are clearly one of a kind
I hope I am one of your 4am friends
xx